After lunch yesterday (which wasn't kosher enough for Rabbi P., so I didn't eat) we went back to the hotel to get ready for Shabbos. They gave everyone a little speech about what Shabbos is, what to expect, what not to do, etc. Some people, like my room mate, Marina, were excited about Shabbos and looking forward to trying it. Some people looked not too happy about it, but resigned to it. Others looked skeptical and others outright defiant, muttering all the things they planned to do under their breath. We went back to our rooms to get ready for Shabbos.
Around 3:50 p.m. all the women went downstairs for licht bentchen. I helped Marina light and say the bracha. I felt so proud of her for doing it and proud of myself for helping her. I really felt like a schlucha of the Rebbe and I felt more than ever that this was the reason I'm with this trip, these people.
Bentching licht in Jerusalem was amazing, of course, but bentching licht is always amazing. There was so much activity and noise going on around me, I felt it was very hard to concentrate the way I really wanted to. I would have loved to have been alone to bentch licht, in a room with a window overlooking the Old City. That would have been perfect.
After licht bentchen we joined our groups upstairs and set out for the Old City and the Kotel. I was practically jumping out of my skin thinking about going to the Kotel. Of course, the usual fear of not feeling anything was there. I was terrified, even after all the other experiences I'd had that I would get to the Wall and be numb. But on the other hand, I was very excited to see the place everyone talks about, one of the only remaining segments of the Beis Hamikdash, the focal point of all Yiddishkeit.
The walk to the Old City was incredible. It's up a mountain and the view is spectacular. The city itself is everything I'd ever thought of. It was great to see all the little children running around and all the religious people. We could even hear the Moslems praying, because they apparently broadcast their prayers. Before we reached the Kotel, Ital and Shmulik blindfolded us, so that we wouldn't see anything before the Wall.
So we all stumbled and felt our way down the stairs and as we got there they positioned us and told us to think about the Wall, think about the Beis Hamikdash, about the people bringing the korbanos, about the soldiers dying. Then they told us we could remove our blindfolds.
It was the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful sight I've ever seen. The pictures and postcards can't even begin to do it justice. There was the Wall, lit up against the darkening sky. You can see the crowd of people in front of it. The men were singing Lecha Dodi. The Wall isn't even that long but it looms over the people standing below. At the bottom of the Wall are these huge, massive bricks, and the higher you look the smaller the stones are. There are a few small windows in the Kotel, I don't know if they were there originally or not. A mechitza separates the men and women. There were definitely more men then women but there were more women there than I've ever seen at other Shabbos night services. There are chairs there for people to sit on and a large podium covered with siddurim. There's also a bin of head coverings for married women.
Ital handed out maariv papers so we could daven. Then she told us we had an hour before we had to meet to leave. She also told us that out of respect we should never turn our backs to the Kotel. As we got closer you could actually see people walking backwards to get out of the davening area.
The Kotel is a beige color, the color of most of the stone I've seen in Jerusalem. There are some chunks missing higher up and there are weeds as big as bushes springing out of it. Everywhere there are small pieces of paper stuffed into the cracks and even tied to the weeds. It isn't rough, like I had imagined. It's smooth, though bumpy and uneven. It's very cold and a little damp.
For a long time I just stood there. About 5 yards away from it. I was so afraid of touching it. G-d's Presence is there. I learned at the Expo that the Shechina has never left the Kotel. I was standing at the very center of the universe. And yes, I cried when I first saw it. But what if I touched it and nothing happened? How could I ever live with that? How could I go home and answer all the people who will want to know what it was like? How could I daven every day for the Beis Hamikdash with kavanah?
Finally, I gathered up all my courage and found a place. I reached my hand out and touched the Kotel. Immediately I was crying. I stepped so close me forehead was pressed against the Kotel and both my hands were flat against it. I could feel my breath creating moisture and I never wanted to move again. I wanted to stay there, hugging the cold, smooth Wall.
I was crying and crying. I could hear the person next to me crying. I could hear the men singing and the women around me davening. I thought about my family and my friends. I davened for all of them. I davened that they should be with me, all of us, in Jerusalem right that second. I davened for Moshiach. I davened for myself, for my bashert. For the strength, ambition and willpower to achieve my dreams. The entire time I davened I stayed pressed against the Kotel.
I have no idea how long I stood there. There was no concept of time. After however long, I kissed the Kotel and pushed myself away, being careful not to turn my back to it. I stood for a while with Marina, who hugged me and squeezed my hand hard, just looking at it. Then I noticed that some of the women were dancing so I dragged Marina over and we danced with them. After the dancing I got hold of a siddur and davened Shemonah Esrei right by the Kotel. When I was done, I backed away and stood with Kari and Frieda, just talking for a while. Then it was time to go back.
At the hotel, Shabbos dinner was waiting for us. We heard kiddush, made hamotzi, people sang and danced. I never get tired of seeing people spontaneously jump up and start dancing with uncontrollable joy. The food was good, and while we were eating, some people, including a for once serious Rabbi P., stood up to talk about their feelings and experiences at the Kotel. The whole dinner was great. There was a real feeling of achdus and I can't remember a better Friday night.
After dinner our group met and talked a little about what Shabbos means to each of us. Then Shmulik gave a shiur upstairs about finding meaning in your life. Then Rabbi P. came over and I requested a dvar Torah and surprisingly, with no joking, he gave one. He gave a really good one. He spoke about the parsha and how Menashe and Ephraim symbolize different things. He spoke about the importance of taking Israel with you and remembering that the goal is to get back to Israel. I enjoyed listening to him and I especially enjoyed him being serious and not sarcastic.After the dvar Torah, our little group broke up. I read for a while before going to bed.
I slept late Shabbos morning and so did Marina and Jill, not getting up until 11:30 a.m. We had to be in the lobby at 12:00 p.m. to split into groups to go to lunch. We were all eating with different families around Jerusalem.
Our group ended up in Rehavia at the home of a very nice Lubavitch family. They are from Australia originally but made aliyah to Israel. They were extremely hospitable and easy to talk to. Three of their daughters were there, they must have been around 20.
By some mix up, Ital's group also showed up. The hostess didn't bat an eye. They just set up more chairs and served fish while Ital went to figure out what was going on. Eventually she came and took about 5 people with her to another family and the rest of us stayed. Lunch was very nice. The food was good (and there was a ton of it), the conversation ranged from marriage to politics to religion. The family invited us back whenever we were in town again and we said good-bye and went back to the hotel where we had an hour free time.
I spent the time sitting on our room's balcony reading Leesha Rose's book. At 4:30 p.m. I went to a shiur led by Rabbi B. about Joseph and his brothers and again the theme was translating the Israel experience into action when we're back in America. I mentioned that even though I definitely agree that you can't just leave Israel behind, you have to take it with you in some way, it's much easier said than done. Over these past 5 days I've really been struggling to figure out how I'm going to take Israel with me and make this experience mean something. I'd like to learn Hebrew. I'd like to write to government officials concerning Israeli soldiers MIA, but that's not enough by a long shot.
Going back to America feels, and it, like going into Golus, into exile. It's so hard to think about resuming life back in Maryland. It all seems so distant, like a vague memory. And before I go back, I want to have a clear idea of what action to take when I get there. I feel like if I don't figure it out now, I'll lose the feeling. I have to have a plan of action before I go back and this feeling of inspiration fades into just some nice memories and photos.
After the shiur they did a really lovely Havdalah service. Everyone had candles and there was a lot of singing and dancing. Then we had dinner and a little bit of time to get ready to go to the Birthright Israel Mega-Event, which was obligatory. I think everyone was dreading it. I know I was. I was envisioning lots of boring speakers and terrible getting-to-know-you games with other Birthright groups. Nobody I talked to was thrilled about going.
And when we got there it looked like our fears had been confirmed. We stood there, wandering around aimlessly for about a half an hour. They gave us free scarves which people put on or started waving around.
Finally we were all herded into a large theatre. We sat there for about another half an hour listening to all the different groups cheering and working up team spirit. Finally the program started and it turned out to be amazing! It started out with this really cool drum group that reminded me of "Stomp" back in the U.S. The lights were flashing, a smoke machine was making smoke, fireworks were literally flying across the room, people were cheering, it was so neat!
Our emcee came out to welcome us and he turned out to be this incredibly funny guy who kept us laughing til we cried all night. Different people spoke, the head rabbi of Israel (or something like that, I don't remember his title), one of the benefactors of Birthright and the Ariel Sharon, the Knesset member running for Prime Minister spoke. Everyone was totally excited to see him. With the amount of clapping I felt like I was at a State of the Union Address. After he spoke, a treasurer from Birthright spoke and after him the entertainment started.
The dance company 'Batsheva" was there and they were fantastic! They pulled people from the audience and had the place going wild. Our emcee came back out and cracked us up again giving us his impressions of the El Al security woman and the cantors on Yom Kippur. Then they showed us a little movie of some of the Birthright students talking abut the trip. There was a really cool laser show. The emcee came back and had us in hysterics on the floor talking about when we were little and the girls used to play those games with the folded paper, "pick a number, pick a color, pick a number" and the game where you decide your future, I think we used to call it MASH. Where you pick 5 guys, 5 places to live, 5 cars and 5 different amounts of kids. Kari and I were crying we were laughing so hard, I had a stomachache. Then the drum group came back out and had everyone on their feet clapping and dancing and last there was a group of Ethiopian Jewish children performing with their adoptive father. It was a lot of fun and it was an amazing experience to sit in a room with hundreds and hundreds of young Jewish people who are truly excited and proud to be Jewish. Really an almost indescribable feeling of unity and pride and family. A feeling of connection.
After the show they had a dance disco party for those who wanted to stay. I didn't stay. It was close to 11:00 p.m. and watching people bump and grind to rap/disco/trance music is really not how I wanted to spend my time in Israel.
So, I came back to the hotel to sit on the balcony for a while and write all this. Tomorrow we go to Tel Aviv and we're meeting with some Israeli soldiers. Wake up is at 7:00 a.m. so I'm off to get some sleep.
 Glossary
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